| "Congress shall make no law... abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press..." |
| "Congress shall make no law... abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press..." |
When John McCain got the Republican nod, I made the following off-handed comment:
"Okay, so the Republicans have pretty well imploded. Next?"
I was only kidding! Okay? How was I supposed to know Barack Hussein Obama would make it this far?
My favorite comment about his passing:
"At the funeral, Tim Conway will look at him just one second too long, and Korman will start laughing."
A new koan:
If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
It is an ice cream koan.
I am pleased to report that, in typical Zen manner, the solution came to me when I was not looking for it. And the solution is typically Zen, being the same for both parts:
I will give you ice cream.
For the former, I am giving you the ice cream which is already yours.
For the latter, what you actually have is no-ice-cream, that is, an absence of ice cream. By giving you ice cream, I am taking away your no-ice-cream, removing your absence of ice cream.
I have solved the ice cream koan.
If man is a rational animal...
...does that mean you can be represented by a fraction of two animal integers?
"I used to live my life 'pedal to the metal'. Now it's more like 'piddle to the middle'."
Dick Wilson is his name in real life;
His work in the store causes much strain and strife.
Don't squeeze the Charmin or you'll cause a quibble,
'Cause you'll be dealing with Mr. Whipple.
RIP 1916-2007
The headline says it all:
Kerry says he’ll be ready next time
I can't help but think of the line, "I'll get you, Gadget, next time."
The doctor fell into the well and broke his collarbone.
The doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone.
From deep inside the automobile
There came a dreadful curse,
For Dad was trying to fold the map
The way it was at first.
I eat my peas with honey.
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny,
But it keeps them on my knife.
I texted several friends yesterday afternoon, saying "Christ is risen! :-)".
The first reply I got: "Indeed He is risen! (Who is this?) :-)"
The icons are right. The face is important.
As seen on contortionist Jade-Blue Eclipse's website:
There is no way in hell Jade's going to balance and contort continuously for an hour. – Imagine stretching just your leg in an extreme position for an hour. – However, she will do an ambient performance (decoration at a party etc) for 20 min. MAX!
She can only do this twice a night. (Total 40 min.) and because what you ask of her is literally a pain in the ass, she will charge you accordingly.
And you thought your job was tough!
Sorry, but I couldn't resist.
"Be fair to pies of larks."
"The mare belies the barks."
"The fair are snide to parks."
OK, I'll shut up now.
Thanks to some over-zealous bureaucrat, the South Pole must follow Daylight Savings Time between the first Sunday in October and the third Sunday in March.
Never mind that the sun never sets during that time.
In the tradition of "Bennifer" and "TomKat":
If Lance Bass and Angela Bassett started dating (yeah, right), would we call them "Langela"?
Said during a brief thunderstorm this evening, after the one flash of lightning:
Co-worker: "Now for the earth-shattering ka-boom."
Me: "Only if he used the Illudium Q-39 Explosive Space Modulator."
Co-worker: "That's Q-37."
Me: "No wonder it never worked. He was using the wrong isotope."
You know the tune...
Imagine there's no haters
It's easy if you try
No suicide bombers
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living here today...
Imagine there's no Hamas
It isn't hard to do
No-one to kill or blow up
And no Moulitsas too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I know someday you'll join us
And then we can have some fun!
Imagine no destroyers
I wonder if you can
No need for drones or rockets
When the shit hits the fan
Imagine all Israel
Standing in the world...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I know someday you'll join us
And then we can have some fun!
Hugh DeLong (don't ask me why he has that name, ask his parents) is a forward-thinking artist living a Bohemian existence in Manchester, England. His all-black clothes are partly for the respect of his fellow artists, and partly just to hide the dust and grime from walking outside.
His art is noteworthy for its expressiveness and social awareness, capturing the joy of a wedding or the Herculean efforts put into earning money for food and rent in Manchester. The anticipation of his new works generates a lot of chatter around town. As a result, he decides to donate half of his earnings from every other exhibit to local charities, like women's shelters and drug rehab centers.
Such outstanding character does not escape the Queen's notice. As His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales is leaving Manchester after consulting with the Lord High Mayor, he asks his driver to stop at the DeLong exhibit as they pass by. He is particularly impressed with one sculpture, and tells his Mum... *ahem* the Queen about it.
Within a few weeks, Hugh DeLong receives a letter from Buckingham Palace, stating that he has been chosen to receive an "inheritable title as a Knight of the British Empire, and that the assigned family crest shall consist of a charge of two lions rampant, on each side of a shield with a Solea solea d'or, before a field of azure." DeLong is tremendously honored, but his artist's mind doesn't quite grasp the family crest.
The day of his dubbing arrives. He is standing before the Queen, wearing an all-black tuxedo chosen specifically for this occasion. His family crest is to his right, with a strange fish in the center, staring at him. It makes him feel a little uneasy, but bears it for the sake of his children and their children. As he kneels, Her Majesty touches his shoulder with a sword and proclaims:
"I dub thee DeLong, Dark Knight of the Sole."
I knew something didn't feel right about this story.
If a cop wants to pull over a pregnant woman for using the carpool lane, then let the cop escort her to a restroom after writing the ticket.
A good blonde joke, in a dry, schizophrenic sort of way.
From the BBC:
Alcohol-related deaths rise by a fifth
It didn't say a fifth of what, so I'm hoping it was some nice Scotch.
Tomorrow's the day they drag Punxutawney Phil out of his cozy burrow. I'm sure they'll shove a bunch of cameras into his face and make lots of noises that don't belong in a winter forest.
It's a good thing that isn't me they're dragging out into the cold. If I had teeth like that, someone would be minus a hand when I went back to sleep.
This is really twisted, but Ted Turner practically begged for this. (Hat tip: Matt Drudge.)
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I saw a bumper sticker yesterday saying, "Moderates for Kerry."
It made me want to start a new weblog, called "Rebellious Assholes for Bush," until I realized my bandwidth would probably go through the roof.
It helps to be bi-lingual. Then you can tell even more people that they've dialed the wrong number.
As seen on Slashdot:
[T]aking a literature class is like dissecting a puppy. You learn a lot about canine anatomy but you would rather have had the live puppy.
My thoughts exactly.
Overheard in a LWE booth:
"I know what it is. Don't let the suit fool you."
I never thought I'd see this. Look at the middle frame. Look carefully. What is Garfield doing?
That's right. He's laughing out loud.
I hope these people can ship to Hell. They're about to get a big order.
I think my resolution for this year will be the same as last year: 1024x768.
Sorry. I couldn't resist. But it's true.
Dear Mr. Hope:
Let me add one more "voice" to the millions wishing you a Happy Birthday. In your one hundred years, you've seen so much change in the world. You faced it all with an unsinkable sense of humor, and taught so many others how to share the laughter. You made a special point to bring it to those who were risking death daily in defense of our freedoms. For such subtle service, gentle reminders, and caring spirit, I say: Thank you.
Sincerely,
gus3
I was so pumped to find out Iambe wanted to see a sample of my writing. She read the stuff from my website and asked, "Why haven't you written guest spots?"
Well, there's a very good reason why: I have a tendency to be a lightning rod for controversy, as she can herself attest. I am opinionated, stubborn, and usually vocal. I don't mind jumping into an argument one bit. And I really didn't want to besmirch her halo. After all, that is her column.
So, as a work-around, I suggested that she give me a topic to work with. The topic she chose was the audit demanded by Microsoft of twenty-four school districts in Washington and Oregon. Ooooh, something I could really chew on. I asked her a couple questions, and then started digesting.
About an hour and a half later, I sent her the article. When I asked her if she liked it, she said, "Hell, I'm gonna run this tomorrow." Wow! I had composed it with the idea of making it a short-order sample, not something to be shown to the world. But, her column is her baby, and I'm not going to tell her what she can and can't say in it. (After all, what's the name of this blog?)
As soon as it went up (midnight PDT), I started getting feedback in chat. I repsectfully requested that the feedback go to Iambe's Talkback, since that's really what it's for. So far (12:30 pm PDT) there are 15 comments, most of them with substance. No flame war, as my earlier submission (apology?) to her provoked.
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